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A woman whose bags he once carried from the shops made her way between the sofas and smiled at him as if she had something to say.

Another woman stumbled against the cabinet and grumbled: you're blocking the way.



Topographically, we're talking about a saddle. Two humps, and between them a shopping mall that's common ground for all. The hump where the Ashkenazim live is a well-tended town called Mevasseret. It has an air of optimism and the residents share it. The other, once a transit camp for new immigrants from Kurdistan, is a welter of shacks and villas, daisies and debris, tree lined lanes and dirty streets. Its official name: Maoz Ziyon. Unofficially, it's called Castel, after the old army post on the top of the hill where soldiers fell during the War of Independence. Now it's a memorial site visited by their descendants. When you get there, right after the traffic lights, you'll find Doga and Sons. A small market with not much to it. But if you have a question to ask, that's where to do it.

A random sampling of announcements posted on the notice-board next to Doga and Sons: Course in practical Cabbala, call now and get a discount. New date set for the Boy Scout ceremony that was rained out. House calls by a certified cosmetician. Private maths lessons given by a qualified mathematician. Find your religious roots with Rabbi Itzhak Fein. The event will take place, rain or shine.

The man they asked at Doga made a mistake, and though they'd turned the right number of corners, Amir and Noa didn't find the apartment that was for rent, but ended up instead in a house of mourners. A large woman wept endlessly. Other women passed around trays of pastries and tea. No one noticed Noa and Amir, but they didn't feel right about leaving once they were there. Squeezed into a corner of the sofa, they listened to stories about the son killed in Lebanon and sneaked glances at their watches, wanting to be gone. Amir clasped his hands and thought: this is my chance to be really sad. Here I can stop trying to be happy and let the black squid ink of sadness flow through me freely. Noa played with her hair and thought: I have to pee. Funny how grief makes people want to eat.

An hour later, they stood up, nodded to the large weeping woman, made their way past knees and chairs to the door and went to find the apartment they'd been looking for.

But their passion in the search was gone, and they didn't feel the same urgency any more.



The apartment had two rooms. A living room the size of a kitchen. A kitchen the size of a bathroom. A bathroom with a squeegee to mop up the water that sprayed on to the floor from the shower. But none of that bothered them at all. And they didn't care that the landlord lived on the other side of the wall. Or that they'd lie in their bed with only an asbestos roof overhead. They'd decided to live together; nothing would stop them. Even though he was studying psychology in Tel Aviv and she photography in Jerusalem. Mevasseret is a good compromise, she said. Tel Aviv isn't so far, considering you have a car. And I love the light here, she added, it's so bright, so clear. He took her hand, led her to the window and said: We can plant a garden over there. The landlord, sensing he was about to clinch the deal, said: It's not like the city. There's parking everywhere.

A month earlier, when we were still trying to decide, I had a dream. I'm pushing a heavy truck up the road to Jerusalem, pushing it from behind like Superman: from Lod to Modi'in, from Modi'in to Latrun, from Latrun onward. At first, I'm running effortlessly, the truck is flying forward and the wind is scattering my worries. But after the entrance to Sha'ar Hagai, when the road gets steeper, I suddenly start sweating and panting in an extremely un-Supermanly way. On the level section before the sheer climb up to the Castel, I can barely breathe and the truck is barely moving. Cars honk at me, children looking out of windows point at me and laugh, but still I continue, loyal to some demanding internal command, and with my last ounce of strength I manage to roll the truck to the top, to the Mevasseret bridge. And then, when I stop to catch my breath and take my hand off the truck for a minute to wipe the sweat off my forehead, it starts rolling backwards. On to me. I try to stop it, lean the entire weight of my body against it, but that doesn't help. My Supermanly strength is suddenly all gone, and now I'm just someone trying to stop a truck that weighs a hundred times more than I do. It's moving faster by the second. Shocked cars veer away from it at the last minute. A bus stop support bends under it. And I'm running backwards, trying to slow it down by giving it small shoves and sticking a leg out in front of me, the way you do when you want to stretch your muscle. Despite my ridiculous efforts, the catastrophe and this is clear to me in the dream too is inevitable. And sure enough, at the bottom of the slope, a little before Abu Gosh, it happens. The truck hits a car that hits a car that hits a dividing wall. Twisted iron. Twisted limbs. A mosaic of glass and blood. The end.

When I woke up, filled with terror, I thought I understood the dream.
I called Noa and told her: Live together, yes. Closer to Jerusalem, yes. But not past Mevasseret.


Ah, yes, there's something else, the landlord said just as they were about to sign. Noa thought he was going to talk to them about the property tax or something like that. The neighbours over there, he said, lowering his voice a little and pointing to the house across the way, their son was just killed in Lebanon. So if you want to listen to music, try to keep the volume down. Of course, Amir said, no problem. We won't bother them, you'll see. And besides, Mr Zakian, Noa added, you don't know us yet, but we're a quiet couple. As quiet as can be.

I finally cried, but not because of what everyone though - because my big brother, Gidi, had been killed, even though I loved him very much and my throat burned after the soldiers who came in the middle of the night left and Mum started screaming - but because all of a sudden I was sick and tired of no one paying attention to me. It all started when I cut my finger making salad for the people who came to the shivah and because of the onion that makes clouds around your eyes so you can't see where your finger is or where the knife is. The blood started coming out and filled the space between my nail and the pad of my finger - Mum taught me what to call that part of the finger - and Dad, who didn't do anything but fiddle with his pipe and sit next to Uncle Menashe without talking, said, can't you see I'm busy, Yotam, why are you making such a big deal out of it, it's just a little cut, where are the plasters, go and ask your mother where the plasters are. But Mum was in the middle of one of her 'Gidi, oy Gidis and all her friends were sitting around her trying to calm her down, and to get to her I had to walk past all of them, so I stood behind a chair in a corner of the living room, not sure whether to go back to Dad or break through the circle around Mum, and in the meantime, the blood had already filled my whole hand, which is a very scary sight, even though I'm not a chicken, and all of a sudden, before I could control it and swallow the tears like I do sometimes when someone hurts my feelings in class, I started to cry, not a soft, small kind of crying, but a loud sobbing kind of crying, like a baby, and naturally all the ladies jumped right up and made a circle around me, and Mum hugged me tight and Aunt Miriam, her sister, ran to get a plaster, and they all whispered to each other, poor child, they were so close, and yelled for Miriam to hurry up, and the television guy who was outside interviewing Uncle Amiram the family's official spokesman, not only because Mum and Dad didn't want to talk, but also because he's the head of a department in the Electric Company and knows how to express himself the television guy must have heard that something was going on inside and he came in with his cameraman and tried to shove a microphone into Mum's mouth, but Uncle Amiram ran in after them saying, what are you doing, what are you doing, we agreed you wouldn't film inside the house, and the ladies shouted, get out, leeches, have you no shame, and started pushing the cameraman, they actually put their hands on his chest and shoved him till he was thrown outside with his huge camera, and then they went at Uncle Amiram, why did you let them in? and he said, I didn't, they just walked around me and went in, those bastards, and Aunt Miriam came back with a plaster and wrapped it around my finger gently, without hurting me, and stroked my hand and my cheek and whispered in my ear, I'll make the salad, OK?