Context
From Gargantua and Pantagruel Book 2, Chapter 7
Francois Rabelais
Our late great contemporary, François Rabelais, is at the origin of all
the traditions which stand in opposition to the Great Tradition of
realist representation. He was not only the inventor of what Hugh
Kenner characterizes as "the comedy of inventory" (i.e., lists), he was
the first to think of the mind as a "bag." When Grangousier asks young
Gargantua where he got his fine (and obscene) poems, Gargantua replies
that he took them from the "bag of my mind." Pantagruel
proceeded to Paris with his retinue. At his entrance the whole city
turned out to greet him, for the Parisians are notoriously idle and
rebellious oaves by nature, by the key of B-flat or B-sharp or any
other key you pitch. They stared at him in great amazement, and in
terror, too, lest he carry away the Law Courts and place them elsewhere
in some land a remotis or abroad, as his father had carried away the bells of Notre Dame to tie them to his mare’s neck. After
Pantagruel had stayed there a little while, and with diligence and
profit studied the seven liberal arts—Grammar, Logic, Rhetoric,
Arithmetic, Geometry, Music and Astronomy—he declared it was a good
town to live in, but not to die in. And why? Because the beggars of St.
Innocent’s graveyard use dead men’s bones to toast their rumps at
night; they pick the exhumed bones off the open attic to use for
kindling. Another feature of Paris that appealed to Pantagruel was the
magnificent library of the Abbey of St. Victor, where he discovered
certain admirable books. The list follows: Bigua Salutis, The Tumbril of Salvation . . . Bragueta Juris, The Codpiece of the Law . . . Pantofla Decretorum, The Slippers of the Decretals . . . Malagranata Vitiorum, The Pomegranate of Vice . . . Ars Theologiae, The
Arse of Theology . . . The Preacher’s Dinglescrew by Turlupin . . . The
Lush Ballock of Heroes . . . The Henbane of Bishops . . . Marmotretus: De Baboonis et Chimpanzibus, cum commento Dorbellis, Concerning
Baboons and Chimpanzees, by Monkeyshiner, with a commentary by Nicolas
des Orbeaux, a Franciscan teacher of Poiters . . . Decretun universitatis Parisiensis super gorgi asitate muliercularum ad placitum, Decree of the University of Paris on the Elegance of Women in the
Matter of Vestment . . . The Apparition of St. Gertrude to a Pregnant
Nun at the Convent of Poissy . . . Ortruinum: Ars honeste petandi in societate, The Gentle Art of Farting in Company, by Hardouin de Grätz, a
theologian of Cologne . . . The Mustard Pot of Penitence . . . The
Buskins of Patience . . . Formicarium artium, Of the Antlike Arts . . . De brodiorum usu et honestate chopinandi, Of the Use of Cups and Honest Swigging, by Sylvester de Priero, a
Jacobin friar . . . The Cuckold in Court . . . The Notaries’ Frail . .
. The Marriage Package . . . The Crucible of Contemplation . . . The
Fiddle Faddle of the Law . . . The Goad of Wine . . . The Spur of
Cheese . . . Decrotatorium scholarium, Of Scholarly Dungchafers . . . Tartaretus: De modo cacandi, A Treatise on Crapping by Pierre Tartaret, a Scotch professor at the Sorbonne. The Windbags of Rome . . . Bricot: De differentiis soupparum, Of the Differences in Soups by Father Bricot, a priest of Notre Dame .
. . The Dregs of Ciscipline, with Appendix, Tailpieces and
Close-breeches . . . Humility, an Old Shoe . . . The Tripe Merchant of
Pious Thought . . . The Cauldron of Magnanimity . . . The
Tangle-ballocking of Confessors . . . The Knuckle Rapping of Curates .
. . Reverendi patris fratris Lubini provincialis Baradiae, de croquendis Lardonibus libri tres, On Guzzling Bacon, in three volumes, by the Reverend Father Brother Guterammer, A Bavarian citizen . . . Pasquilli doctoris marmorei, de capreolis cum chardoneta comedendis tempori papali ab Ecclesia interdicto, Of Eating Goatmeat with Thistles, in the Papal Time, forbidden by the
Church . . . The Invention of the Holy Cross, a play for six
characters, impersonated by six wily clerks . . . The Spectacles of
Roming Pilgrims . . . Majoris, De modo faciendi boudinos, Concerning the Making of Blood Sausage by John Mayr, Professor of the Collège de Montaigu . . . The Prelates’ Bagpipe . . . Beda: De optimate triparum, Of the Excellence of Tripe by Noël Beda, Principal of the Collège de
Montaigu . . . The Complaint of the Lawyers on the Reformation of
Gratuities . . . Attorneys and Furred Cats . . . Of Bacon and Peas,
with Tables and Sauce Material . . . The Percentage on Indulgences . .
. Artistotelis: libri novem de modo dicendi horas canonicas, Nine Books on how to tell the Canonical Hours, by Aristotle. . . . Praeclarissimi
juris utriusque doctoris Magistri Pilloti Raquedenari: De bobelidanis
glossae Accursianae baguenandis petitio enucidiluculidissima. A
most Sapisagacisavantesque Inquiry into the Fiddle Faddle of the
Amphibobiguous Gloss of Accursius by Master Saltcone Pennycroaker, Most
Illustrious Doctor of Laws . . . Stratagemata Francharchieri de Baignolet, The Dodges of the Militiaman of Bagnolet . . . Franctopinus: De re militari, cum figuris Tevoti, Of Military Science, by Clodbumpkinus, with Figures by Tivvot . . . De use et utilitate escorchandi equos et equas, authore M. Nostro de Quebecu, Of the Habit and Usefulness of Flaying Horses and Mares by our learned
Master de Quebec . . . The Cheek of Country Stewards . . . M. N. Rostocostojambedanesse: De mustarda post prandium servienda, libri quatuordecim apostilati per M. Vaurrillonis, Concerning
the Serving of Mustard after Meals, in Fourteen Books, by our Learned
Master Rusticockpiddleshankcrapwallopper, with Commentary by Vorilonge,
a Franciscan critic of Scotus and Peter Lombard . . . The
Ballock-Thrusting of Promoters . . . Jabolenus: De cosmographia purgatori, Of the Cosmography of Purgatory by Jiabolo . . . Quaestio
subtillissima, utrum Chimera in vacuo bombinas possit comedere secundas
intentiones, et fuit debatuta per decem hebdomadas in concilio
Constantiensi, The Most Subtile Question as to whether the Chimera,
Fartwhooshing in the Void, may Eat its Second Intentions, Debated for
Ten Weeks at the Council of Constance . . . The Grinding of Advocates .
. . Barbouillamenta Scoti, The Scribblerot of Duns Scotus. . . . The Scragglescraping of Cardinals . . . De Calcaribus removendis decades undecim per M. Albericum de Rosata, Of the Removing of Spurs during Eleven Decades by our learned Master Albericus de Rosata, jurisconsult of Bergerac . . . Ejusdem, de castrametandis crinibus, libri tres, Of Splitting Hairs, in Three Books, by the Same Author . . . The
Entrance of Antoine de Lève into the Territories of Brazil . . . Marforii bacalarii cubantis Romae: De pelendis mascarendisque cardinalium mulis, Of the Peeling and Chewing of the Mules of Cardinals . . . The Same
Author’s Apology against those who allege that the Pope’s Mule eats at
its own Hours . . . Prognosticatio quae incipit "Sylvii Triquebille," balata per M. N. Songecrusyou, The Prophesy which beings "O Sylvan Trickball" interpreted by our
learned Master Songecreux Hollowthought, the Famous Mummer. . . . Boudarini episcopi: De emulgentiarum profectibus eneades novem, cum privilegio papali ad triennium et postea non, Bishop Sulksausage Boudarini’s Nine Ænead Books on the Benefits of
Emulsions . . . The Papshit of Virgins . . . The Bald Arse of Widows .
. . The Headgear of Monks . . . The Brummagem of Celestine Friars . . .
The Toll of Beggarliness . . . The Chattering Teeth of Louts . . . The
Shovels of Theologues . . . The Mouthpiece of Masters of Arts . . .
Occam’s Shavepate Clerklings . . . Magistri N. Fripesaulcetis: De grabellatonibus horrarum canonicarum lib. quadraginta, Of the Crapifications of Canonic Horrors in Forty Books by our learned Master Lickstewpanus . . . Cullebutatorium confratriarum, incerto authore, Of the Arseyturvytumblers in the Brotherhoods, Author Unknown . . . The
Rasher of Gluttons . . . The Randiscrewishness of Spaniards,
Supercockcuntified by Friar Inigo . . . The Crackslattern of Verminous
Beggars. . . . Poitronismus rerum italicarum authore magistro Bruslefer, The Hairsnaggle of Italian Affairs, by Master Ironburn . . . R. Lullius: de Bastisfolagiis principum, Of the Skullduggeries of Princes, by R. Lullius, an alchemist and philosopher . . . Calibistratorium caffardiae, authore M. Jacobo Hocstraten haereticometra, The Cackleboozing of the Cockroach by Master Jacob Hochstraten, Prior of the Dominicans of Cologne . . . Chault-Couillons: De magistro nostrandorum magistro nostratorumque beuvetis lib. octo gualantissimi, On the Master of Antidoting and those Antidoted by Means of Drinks, in
Eight Joyous Books by Burns-Ballocks . . . The Fartadillos Scriveners,
Copyists, Scribes of Bulls, Abbreviators, Reporters, Registrars and
Notaries, Compiled by Regis . . . A Perpetual Almanac for the Gouty and
Venereals . . . Manieres ramonandi fournellos per M. Eccium, The Cleaning of Flues by Master Eccins or John Eck . . . The Sabre of
Merchants . . . The Pleasures of Monastic Life . . . The Confusion of
Hypocrites . . . The History of Hobgoblins . . . The Roguery of
Militiamen . . . The Fibs of Commissaries . . . The Hoards of
Treasurers . . . Badinatorium soboniformium sophistarum, Of the Numbskullery of the Sorbonne Pedagogues . . . Antipericatametaanaparbeugedamphicribrationes merdicantium, Antipericata-metaanaparcircumvolutiorectumgustpoops of the Coprofied. . . . The
Snail of Rhymesters . . . The Forward Thrust Windpiece of Alchemists .
. . The Gimmypleas of Alms Collectors, Rambuctipursified by Friar
Moneypry . . . The Shackles of Religion . . . The Racket of Swaggerers
. . . The Prop of Old Age . . . The Muzzle of Nobility . . . The Ape’s
Paternoster . . . The Crickets and Tinklebells of Devotion . . . The
Pot of the Seasonal Fasts . . . The Mortar of Public Life . . . The
Trouserflies of Nudists . . . The Flaps of Hermits . . . The Hoods of
Penitentiary Friars . . . The Smacksmock of the Knocking Friars . . . Lourdaudus: De Vita et honestate braguardorum, Of the Life and Honesty of Scrougephuckers, by Blockheadodus . . . Cyrippii Sorbonici moralisationes per M. Lupoldum, The Moral Reflections of Tirralirrapeepee, a Doctor of the Sorbonne, by
Master Loopholed . . . The Bells of Travellers . . . The Bibblings of
Tippling Bishops . . . Tarraballationes doctorum coloniensium adversus Reuchlin, The Paroxypothers of the Doctors of Cologne against Reuchlin in regard
to Pfefferkorn, a converted Jew who sought to Deprive the Hebrews of
their Books . . . The Cymbals of Ladies . . . The Shitsters’
Farthingale . . . Virevoustatorum nacquettorum per F. Pedebilletis, The Fillybustertwiddlery of Knockers by Friar Poopballite . . . The
Patchwork of Stout Hearts . . . The Mummery of Jack o’ Lanterns and
Robin Goodfellows . . . Gerson: De auferibilitate Papae ab Ecclesia, Of the Removability of the Pope by the Church, by Gerson . . . The Catalogue of Nominated and Graduated Persons . . . Jo. Dytebrodii: De terribiliditate excommunicationum, libellus acephalos, Of the Terribility of Excommunication, a work without Title, by Joseph Diddlesnuff . . . Ingeniositas invocandi diabolos et diabolas per M. Guinguolfum, Ingenious Ways of Invoking He-Devils and She-Devils by Master
Gincuddygolfer . . . The Hotchpot of the Perpetually Begging Friars . .
. The Morris dance of Heretics . . . The Whinnyings of Cajetan . . . Moillegroin, doctoris cherubici: De origine Papelutarum et Torticollorum ritibus, libri septem, Of the Origin of the Rites of Popicults and Necktwisters in Seven Books
by the Cherubic Doctor, Marrowgain . . . Seventy-nine highly Fat
Breviaries . . . The Nightmares of the Five Mendicant Orders . . . The
Skinnery of the Humbuggers, Extracts from the Yellow Boot,
incornifistibulated in the Summa Angelica . . . The Ravisher in Cases of Conscience . . . The Potgut of Judges . . . The Donkeypizzler of Abbots . . . Sutoris,
adversus quedam qui vocaverat cum fripponnatorem et quod fripponnatores
non sunt damnati ab Ecclesia, Cobbler or Pierre Cordonnier, a Doctor of the Sorbonne, against Whoever Consorted with Scoundrels and why Scoundrels are not damned by the Church . . . Cactorium medicorum, Of the Medical Dungers . . . The Chimney Sweep of Astrology . . . The
Field of Enemas by S. C. Or Symphorien Champier, a Doctor of Lyons . .
. The Poopdrawer of Apothecaries . . . The Arsekisser of Surgery . . . Justinianus: De cagotis tollendis, Of the Toleration of Bigots, by Justinian . . . Antidotarium animae, The Souls of Antidoters . . . Merlinus Coccais, De patria diabolorum, Of the Devil’s Country by Folengo or Merlin Coccais. . . . Some
of the books in this library were already printed. The rest are now in
the press in this noble city of Tübingen, the home of publishing.
Excerpted from the Jacques LeClercq translation.
